There are many techniques in this LO. Not a pretty LO but honestly, I have not been feeling too pretty and fuzzy lately-and that is what this LO is about. I really wish all the writing and stamping in the dark area were visible- it really adds to the LO. Well anyway, ugly or not here,is the real me lately. There is journaling written in a pull out pocket hidden between the page layers.
The journaling reads:
Today, this layout is just about me! It is about how I have been feeling lately-that is grumpy and cranky-then feel really horrible about feeling that way. It is hard not to let the feelings take over me and everyone else- so here is my way of defusing. The writing is not going to be structured nor is going to make sense to many who read this. Lately, I have been thinking about a theory that I studied while in college-not sure if it is even something many people know about- Dabrowski's “Theory of Positive Disintegration”. Yesterday, I wanted to refresh myself to see if the theory was how I remembered. So, I starting Goggling “Disintegration” well two things popped up on the web search-the theory and this painting/illustration- I long forgotten- titled “Disintegration” by one of my favorite artist. So, I lifted the idea and of course, I changed the artwork to fit me-trying to keep as close to the original spirit as possible. This artist inspires a lot of my scrapbook pages an artwork! I must start with my simple understanding of the word "disintegration" has two meanings that are closely related. The first is "decay or destruction."-which I have been feeling a lot lately. When something decays it dissolves into elements that are qualitatively different from the whole, parts can no longer function individually. Well, again this is me: I feel that the nice and easy going side of me and the new grumpy side of me are no longer letting me function as my old self the “whole” The second meaning is "a separation into component parts, a breaking up." I am breaking up-or feel like it sometimes-then I function in smaller units or sometimes many units, which allow or force me to function as two discrete entities-the grumpy me and nice me. There are pieces of me here and there doing a thousand things. Then I think about the theory-I was referring to “Dabrowski's “Theory of Positive Disintegration” Which is the theory of human personality development where our guiding role is emotions.-which seems to be my leader these days. Recently, I feel my emotional development is loosening and dismantling-destroying my character. I wonder- am I am going through pre-menopause-no much to young for that-maybe I am going “insane”-no too old for that. Maybe it is just transcendence-yeah, it could be that. Maybe my work is overwhelming-maybe-it is stressful but I have been doing this line of work too long to let it get to me now! Whatever it is, I just pray that I get my understanding and wisdom-I know it must be a test of faith from above…God's time and our time is different. He only knows what is best for me…so meanwhile I will keep pushing through….